Phoebs Up

Come to think of it my Life has changed since 3/4 years ago. I was so confused. Lust seemed to fill my heart and mind then. Passion seem to take control of my actions and i felt like i had no one i could depend on , no one was accountable to me too. I spiral deeper into the webs of deceit that i had created and all the time thinking "i am in control" " i can stop anytime" . Conquest were like medallions on my shelf. I thought the confidence that i had was unshakable. It was. Each time i disrespected myself. Each time i hurt myself by believing that what i had was true love, wasn’t .

It took me a long and painful time to realize that all i had to do was to let go. Realize and give up. Yield myself to something greater. I remember how i felt when i accepted Christ into my life. I felt this warmth and tears just flooded . Years of heartache and wanting to be loved seemed to flow and flood the floor. I was just thankful that my sister held me and i held her.

Yet I tested God , told him that i did not want to let my relationship then go. I tried to shut myself in my own mind thinking perhaps another time i could be a better Christian. On one hand I was afraid to let go, on another I asked God to take away the pain that i felt the insecurities and my job if He had to and He did.

I remember not having a job, freshly broken by a relationship that i had thought meant something yet oddly feeling very free. Very at peace. Letting go was not easy but each day i felt closer to Him as i read his word, kept close to the people that truly cared for me and starting going to church.

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I got baptized 3 years ago. Walking to the tank i felt absolutely sure this was the moment. The water was cold. Uncle Stanley was there he looked so stern, his pants were knee deep in the water. He asked me ," Do you accept Christ as your one and only God"  I shouted , "I do" and burst into tears . Tears that i had held deep in my heart so many years. Pain that no one knew was there all along, all came out. I died. I rose as did Christ and am now truly freed.

———————————————————————————– This Year. I must say I am not a perfect person, more so a perfect Christian but one thing stands. I have a purpose in life now. I want to share this perfect love that i have with others. I want to be real to people that i love and even to people that i do not know. It is not always easy and i stumble and fall sometimes but God has always been there. Thru my worries for my parents health. Guiding me in my marriage. Even opening new doors for me each day. 

On Easter Sunday last week Pastor Jerry said," if what we believe in is untrue, then we, as Christians should be most pitied."

Am i pitied? I believe it is not so.

Every morning i wake up to new possibilities that He has given me. Every challenge , every trial is made easier as God is with me. There are still times that i cry. Afraid of what the future may bring. But this i know that everything is for His Glory. And this i know, that even though days and years may come and go. People may live and died. But God will never forsake you. He can strength and guide you. He can hold your hand and heal you even in the darkest hour. If you let him.

If He could heal me, Why is it not possible that He can heal you too.

If You want to know more about Jesus, More about God why not ask someone. It wouldn’t cost anything . Why not give it a try? Ask me or Ask someone that knows Him.

So, I died and now am beginning to live again. Will you?

^For if the dead are not raised, then Christ has not been raised either. And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile; you are still in your sins. Then those also who have fallen asleep in Christ are lost. If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more that all men. But Christ has indeed been raised from the dead, the first fruits of those who have fallen asleep.^ 1 Corinthians 15:17-20

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