Phoebs Up

What ’s the average time a Singaporean sleep i wonder?

I used to laugh at the thought that the Japanese sleep earlier..but its either they do not sleep much  or they sleep at 9 or 10pm (jap time).

My problem. I can’t sleep.

Is it stressed? Not used to someone not being beside me? Don’t know? But i feel like the last few weeks have passed so fast. I have less than 2 weeks before i return to the land of the rising sun.

Met some people that I’ve wanted to meet. Lost some weight, ate and drank a lot. Made up for lost time with some of them too.

Think i might not be able to meet everyone though …gomen (sorry).

I think after grandma’s passing ….we all grieved in different ways…We all try to go on , life is like that.

Yet in the night when we have time to ourselves we think of her.

I just found out that the boy, Kaion has 95% cancer cells in his bone marrow..Everyone is praying for him. I can only imagine how his Mom feels.

Losing a mother, Losing a child. It has to be difficult. How would i deal with something like that? Would I flee like before? Drown myself in sadness. Who knows ?

Yet in All my uncertainty i know that He is looking down on us…Yet you are there Father.

"Oh judge me oh Lord for i am so unworthy..i am weak in the flesh, i tend to hide from your holiness. "

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It has been a most interesting valentine’s day.

Looked up an old friend at and we chatted till 2plus in the morning. Felt like old times

When home and just lazed the day away doing nothing. It felt nice actually…

Talked to mummy and gave her a massage, think i’m the only one awake.

D sent me a card….ha ha as usual he is always on time.I love the card He said " it is not good for man to be alone…" In my case not good for woman too, for too long anyway.

Truth is i Miss Him..really alot but being here i tend to ask myself, who’s the true phoebe? The expat homemaker? Am i losing my identity in japan? Or creating a new one?

Don’t get me wrong, i enjoy staying in japan. Helping out and doing the things i’ve always wanted to do. D says that this time is a fantasy time. Things may change. I agree. I’m used to change. Yet at times i still fear change but i know that God is there with us

Just that being here….reminds me of the many things that i would have to face when we return..

All in good and God’s time i guess. Miss D…

Kami sama wa zeh hii.

  Another sleepless night perhaps, well actually i’m feeling so strange. Since i got here things have changed so much and i wonder if i can go back to Tokyo the same girl. Been thinking of all the people that i have lost contact with and how life goes on day to day , year to year. I guess death is a part of life. Just feeling melancholy and a little lost.

I miss David sometimes i feel like he is the rock in my life and without him i tend to think of my old ways. Funny how human we are and though God forgives us for our sins, He always needs to remind us how tempting they can be.

I feel selfish. Just wanted time to myself and just wanted to make myself happy. Too much things going through my mind. Seeing my mom get upset sometimes just makes me worry more. Would time ease all troubles away?

What are trials but to give us strength…

" show me thy ways, O Lord; teach me thy paths…" psalm 25:4