Phoebs Up

I have not been able to sleep well the last few nights despite the fact that i had been dosing myself with flu meds. I guess i keep trying to run through all the happy times i had with my dad that i could bring up to conversation when we meet.

My mind draws a blank.

I remember his aftershave smell. How he likes to tell me the interesting stories of his life as a volunteer police man. The scary movies that he would watched but as the years passed i wonder do i know him?

It is a scary thought that i have kept to myself for so long since my parents divorced. No doubt i have forgiven his unfaithfulness, no doubt i have come to peace with the past but reconciliation , total reconciliation with him is difficult.

I find myself putting up this perfect mask when i speak to him.

Can i peel it away this time to tell him how i really felt about their decision? How it has sub consciously dictated my life. I ask God to give me strengthen and wisdom to share.

I do long to have some sort of real relationship to share with him.

He is coming on the 21st this month!

"Honor your father andyour mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you."
Exdous 20:12

I can`t wait to be back in Sing. I wanna roam the streets and breathe in all the humid air. Hug my mum, my sis and all my friends real tight.

I`ve been thinking life is too short really.

I just want to be happy while i am job-free and parent -free

Wanna eat carrot cake, chilli crab,  yong tou fu, fish porridge/soup…..etc etc.

Wanna go kayak with my best friends, see all  my friends kids and just chill.

So wait for me to get back okay

ps* I`m on facebook too under Phoebe Chew.

` Rejoice in the Lord always`